The Reality of Approaching an American life from a European point of view

My LinkedIn caption says that I’m a person “born and raised in Florence (Italy) with an African-Brazilian heritage, living and working in New York City.” Well, technically right now I’m based in Jersey City, NJ. I’m not sure when my address will change but so far Jersey City has been offering me lots of solace and opportunities to reconcile with my mental and physical health, which sometimes weren’t always on point during my undergraduate years. Let’s say this: you learn quite a lot when it’s your first round of college as an international student.

Jersey City is close to New York City but at the same time not far from the urban lifestyle I’m so accustomed to. Jersey City, just like Hoboken, is a walkable city that gives me the ability to live up to my dreams as a city girl but also as an aspiring calmer girl, who’s got her own spacious abode with a lot of natural light and lots of green sites around her. Ok, I do not live in a mansion. But I also don’t live in a dorm room in a suburban area with other two human beings (wonderful times for the adventures and companionship with my roommates, can’t complain at all). I still don’t live by myself and I can’t say that I’m a homeowner, but I do enjoy the upgrade I was able to get by moving from Long Island to New Jersey, after living in Manhattan, Queens, and Riverdale (NY).

Jersey City serves as an example of physical space that resonates with my most European self: a human-sized town filled with young professionals and families, small-medium businesses, and a relatively active and cool social life with events of all kinds. The only thing I may be unsatisfied with in Hudson County is that it feels too White sometimes, especially downtown. I’m located on the cusp between the most ethnic area of the city and the most gentrified part of it. My current physical position even reflects a bit of my heritage, Black and White. Interesting, no?

I don’t know how old I was in this picture, probably 2. Or 3. I was cute.

Now, this looks like a discussion or review on Jersey City, but I swear that it’s not. I am mentioning Jersey City as the starting point of a deeper reflection, the one on my relationship with an American lifestyle and the European way of living  I grew up with until 18 years old. 

The reality of approaching an American life from a European point of view (pov) is that one is either built to adapt to another way of living or is only fascinated by the American philosophy of life. In my humble opinion, most of the time if a European, especially if they’re POC, decides to stay in the USA is because of a career shift, an entrepreneurial opportunity, or love. I am here because of education, but at the same time during these six years, I came across two things that changed me: love and journalism. I can’t say if I’ll ever be able to live here forever or if my career will allow me to explore my passions in other ways. I just know that my chosen family (my romantic partner and trusted friends) and passions (fashion, journalism, and other hobbies) are here in this country. Yes, I fervently hope to be able to call home this place and form a family, but for the time being, I’m savoring and completing my transformational journey in approaching an American lifestyle from the perspective of a European one.

I was a very happy girl!

My experience of growing up in Italy is tied to a specific time frame in Italian history that doesn’t share anymore certain contemporary values or aspirations. It must be noticed that now young Italians have much more access to the internet, their families are less skeptical of its usage, and younger generations usually have much more social awareness when it comes to diversity, mental health, and entrepreneurship. I didn’t grow up with all these resources and education around these matters. I did write a whole book about this. As a Black Italian, I never really thought about my Blackness as a part of me. I didn’t have any shame or pride in being Black. Nevertheless, there were a few things that did bother me and couldn’t really take my mind off. Anytime my Brazilian heritage was brought up, I would get instantly some kind of treatment from many White Italians who wouldn’t value that side of me ad my family’s culture, considering it less important compared to my Italian upbringing. I would also get judged for having peculiar interests in non-White or non-Italian mass media. And most importantly, I would always look up to a successful Black or Brown Italian in my imagination, but the only role model I could think of was always myself and nobody else. I was always the competition of myself because no one else would look or have similar motivations to do certain things like me. But it gets boring to be alone.

When I had the chance to leave Italy, at first I was extremely happy. I remember tears of joy dripping down my cheekbones when I finished setting up my college dorm at Hofstra. My parents were grateful that I could live my dreams, even though I was far away from them. Endless were (and still are) the sacrifices they made to be able to afford me a full ride at Hofstra, with little financial help. Those four years were intense and marked several turn points that pushed me into becoming the woman that I am today, studying and working at Lehman College and building a restorative editorial space at Fashion On The Beat. The things I’m doing are a reflection of my experiences as an international student, a media professional, a creative, and an academic in the United States. Having those experiences changed the way I see and go on with my life?

Always been a beach kind of girl.

Absolutely yes. One super big mistake I made when I moved to the US was to think that here my life would be automatically a lot easier. I mean, can’t you see how many Black successful people are there? Can’t you see how many people are interested in who you are, and value your heritages? Can’t you experience so many cultures all at once and meet so many interesting people?

Yes, but it’s not always this easy. The America I experienced the very first year in college was predominately the White America you see in movies, specifically in a reality like New York City. My sophomore year in college was the pivotal year, the one I think served me as the most formative transformational until now, along with 2020. First job, first not-so-great grades, first series of serious friendship breakups, first job rejections, first boyfriend, first breakup, first micro and macro aggressions surfacing into my existence, and so much more. Internally, 2018 was an extremely difficult year that I’m glad is over, as much as I’m proud I’ve gathered so much knowledge and experience in a short span of just twelve months. It was a lot to go through in my third language with no family by my side or trusted friends. I was on the verge of committing suicide and not willing to live life anymore. But instead, I found a light in me, and writing, along with fashion, actually saved me once again. Due to all of this, the very next year I started writing Fashion On The Beat (the book) and thinking about how to set people to success, without feeling unworthy and lonely: because I know that feeling and I wish that on nobody. Two years later I found love, very much unexpectedly. Trust me, I had no intentions to date or find love in 2020. But life gave me that and until today Brian and I are still renewing our subscription to love and respect each other. It’s not always easy to date an American man, but he’s very special and we’re always open to learning from each other. All it takes is patience, genuine curiosity, and compassion. I hope this will last until death does us apart, literally.

Did you know that I used to have braces?

New York City (and its metropolitan area) is the only American reality I’ve got to experience, along with Long Island. I visited several cities during these last six years and there is one that I hope in my heart I can claim my own, one day: Los Angeles. However, before approaching the Californian lifestyle, I still believe that New York and the East Coast have so much more to give me. My dream is to be bi-coastal so that I can enjoy and make the most out of the two geographical areas. I’m not pressed into moving towards that phase of my life, but I’m also open to entertaining that thought, as well as exploring other realities outside of the USA, particularly in South or Central America. The American lifestyle I’ve come up with now is tailored to my needs and interests as a Black citizen in the world, especially in a predominantly White-Western society, that isn’t usually inclined into including the array of realities that surround their people. There are things that I haven’t let go of from my Italian lifestyles, like culinary practices and some educational tools I was able to have thanks to the Italian school system. In order to survive and grow in America, I had to believe much more in myself and my entrepreneurial dreams, something that in Italy isn’t much explored or given to us young people. I had to embrace the sense of community and learn to be less of a loner here in America, something I’m extremely proud of to be now. My American lifestyle is a reflection of the resilient journey I had to endure as a Black Italian-Brazilian in this world.

Oh, I’m sure there will be more to discover and incorporate in the years to come. Ready to stay in touch with me and follow this adventure?