The Reality of Being Real With Your Own Self (and No One Else!)
Summer is coming to its expected end, but let’s not be dramatic about it. Well, this is more of a reminder to myself, since summer is my favorite season and I dread winter. But if winter didn’t exist, how could I even appreciate the tones and notes of summer?
Just like any other season, the aestival period is supposed to make us feel grounded and present with our actions, plans, and dreams. This summer flew by for me. I encountered twists and turns that I thought I’d never catch while maintaining the boat afloat here at Fashion On The Beat. No, we’re not sinking or anything like that. On the contrary, the team is beyond awesome and our content is getting noticed and stronger day by day. Every single day I wake up and face the fact that since I started this editorial project, the fruits of the labor I poured into my writing and leadership skills are part of this new reality that not even a year ago I thought could be possible: beyond blessed to have and be part of this all.
Photo credits: Olivia Steuer
It’s just that sometimes it is hard being a young woman with many caps on. At the moment I’m the editor-in-chief at Fashion On The Beat, operated through my brand and social media presence at The Curly Flower. As a founder, I also have lots of things to take care of, and being a first-generation entrepreneur in your third language (in which you’re fluent, but always got to prove your worth in the editorial and business landscapes) isn’t always a “passeggiata”, as you’d say in Italian.
There are moments where I feel I’m doing just way too much, while also being in grad school and part of Student Government at Lehman College. I do it all with a smile and pride because at the end of the day this is the dream that I’ve been praying for, in some shape or form, since my middle school days in Italy, but there are days when reality hits and it’s just like… oh, I’m really doing this. It’s being done. How is this part of my reality?
NYFW February 2022, MeFeater Event
Hear that? Knock, knock, who’s that? Imposter syndrome, peer pressure … ugh.
Granted, especially after this latest trip back home to Italy, I don’t have any peer pressure feelings when comparing my journey and lifestyle to my American peers, I still have moments ruled by the shadows of imposter syndrome. Whenever these sentiments flare up, I remind myself to stay present and feel them all until the last drop. As Todd said to Princess Carolyn in 4X12 of Bojack Horseman, “the woods are dark and scary, but the only way out is through”. The sensible thing to do whenever I face my current reality’s dilemmas is to recognize the ugly things, acknowledge them, and let them pass through my mind. That doesn’t mean that I will forget them, no: they become my biggest motivation to keep working towards my goals. The reality I’m in reality is my incentive.
The reality of being real with your own self, without comparing yourself to others, is that it is a never-ending process of acceptance. For a long time, I used to think that lowering my expectations was the answer to never ever feeling sad about things never working out for me. I’d lie if I said that this mindset didn’t help me. Learning to not put all your expectations into one basket of opportunities helps and it pushes you to never ever stay comfortable for too long in just one exclusive spot, space, and place. But if this thought is pushed to its extremes, it becomes toxic. There must be a balance between having faith and being cautious, and ultimately real with yourself.
Photo credits: Olivia Steuer
Straight out of college, I struggled lots in finding mentoring and guidance, positivity in the workplace and in my career, along with desired job roles and opportunities. I thought I was always in the wrong, no matter all the good grades and accomplishments I had wrapped up by the end of my Bachelors. Being also an international student was also a label I always felt ashamed to be, because of the stigmas and hardships I faced and all the chances I could never get due to my civic status. The moment I exited from this dark mental space and flipped the wires in my brain was the time I decided to believe in the words and dreams I had displayed in my book. Most importantly, I really wanted to provide a safe space for learning and exercising journalistic practices to other girls who were facing similar situations like mine.
Due to these thoughts, I decided to abandon my first job in corporate America in order to write about what I knew best and not about what I thought I would be good at: fashion. My time at The Garnette Report was pivotal in that phase of my life because it gave me lots of insights and inspiration to create the space that is now being built at Fashion On The Beat. Was I paid? No. Did I live a lavish life? Hell no. Was I having family support? Yes. Did I still have depressive episodes filled with sadness and imposter syndrome? Unfortunately, yes.
BTS with Flordalis Espinal and Her Studio NY for the first editorial campaign for “The Curly Flower”: gotta introduce myself in style!
After almost six months of mental darkness, physical laments, and emotional hardships, that late Spring I found myself wanting to go back to school to perfect an area of studies I love (Africana and African American Studies) while implementing this knowledge into my writing. The mental shift was huge. It was then that I started seeing my work being much more recognized and receiving more and more compliments on my work. I started believing other people’s impressions, and listening carefully for their feedback in regards to my work. Now that my situation was a little better, but not perfect, reality hit again: how can I fuel this energy and create the environment I wish I had months ago?
And boom, Fashion On The Beat came to life. In September 2021, Fashion On The Beat was launched and we started gathering more and more members, hundreds. A year later, Fashion On The Beat is still here, part of my, our, reality. Am I getting paid to do all of this? No, not yet. Do I live a rich life? Mentally and spiritually, hell yes. Do I have family support? Yes, from my parents and chosen family of close friends. Do I feel sad? Sometimes, there are those days. But a lot fewer than previous months and years.
Photo credits: Flordalis Espinal
The reality of being real with your own self relies on being comfortable in approaching uncomfortable situations. Because of my extremely peculiar journey, I’m immune now to certain obstacles and difficulties, to a point where I feel numb and just have a proactive attitude towards all the things around me. These things are there to be solved and I’m aware of that. Tears and screams and sighs will come up from time to time. However, the reality of it all is that I have the privilege to live all of this with a purpose that is higher than my own singular actions: staying grounded and mindful of what I have is the only reality I can own and control.
